Sheltered beneath the broad canopy of an ancient magnolia, I contemplate the futility of it all. What is it all about after all? Does anything matter? I gingerly walk through the red stains of former magnolia seeds and make my way over to the lone bench at the fork in the trail. In front of me, shoreline I just walked trying to cheer myself up. White sand usually helps to broaden my perspective. It is quartz crystal, after all, and doesn’t that possess some sort of magical properties? And it is reputed (or theorized) to come all the way from the Appalachians. Above me, clear blue sky. The sun low enough that I don’t fear for my melanin-challenged skin. All around me the gentle breeze has just a whisper of cool in it and the air is just the right temperature — don’t need to wear many clothes and no annoying sweat. To my right the old trail is overgrown and leads off to some of my favorite places. But I don’t feel like pushing through the bush or the great mysteries of life right now. I just want to sit.
But I can’t find peace, even in this idyllic spot with the ideal weather.
So I get back up and shuffle slowly along the path, not caring anymore if my bare feet turn red from the mess under the magnolia. Who cares? What does it matter?
In the past month I have had two deaths in my family, and it seems a friend is just about to the end of her stay on the planet. I am usually real good at handling death — humans’ anyway. It is all eternal life taking different forms, right? But what about the animals?
I saw a dead butterfly on the beach before I turned inland to have time with my ancient trees. A dead butterfly. Why?!? Why do butterflies have to die?!? It is the butterfly migration now and the meeting of these delicate symbols of transformation with speeding automobiles always upsets me deeply. When I am driving I can’t think about it for very long. I need to turn my attention back to the traffic — and avoiding butterflies. But strolling along the shore I have time to feel the upset, to feel the questions and the futility of it all. Why?!?
I still can’t find the answers that I think will bring me relief. I shuffle along slowly. Surrounded by ancient oaks that were ‘preserved’ so that they could become warships. Were they happy that metal ships became the weapon of choice? I plod along with no insight in sight.
I gasp aloud as I round another bend in the path. There before me is an outrageous profusion of the purpliest purple berries I have ever seen. These are screaming purple! Parading purple! A plethora of purple-ness! And so many berries! So many more than the bush in my backyard. Such intensity!
I realize I am smiling.
I don’t need any answers and can’t even remember the questions.
♥ Have you ever had such an experience? What quiets your mind or brings you back to peace? I’d love to read your reply. ♥
